mute

sometimes I really wish life was like a tv (with DVR of course!) so I could rewind to all the fun times i had. Watching a friend trip on the stairs over and over. Watching the hilarious faces of people who thought eating raw potatoes ( dirt included) was a good idea. Or even just hanging out with some friends making reg salad, fruit salad, and especially cake. Ice cream cake is the fave (sometimes enjoyed without silverware) :D there have been some crazy moments that would be just so incredibly nice to visualize again. Memories give only so much detail.
You know what button would also be nice? PAUSE. I wish I could freeze moments, good or bad, and even have the possibility of changing the scene ever so slightly. Like if my friend fell i could put a pillow underneath. Or if some bitch laughed at my friend I could pause and then run to the zoo and get a lion and well you know. I could also put ants in her pants...lol I have interesting ideas sometimes :)
FASTFORWARD. ERASE. Those would be extremely helpful. I wish i could fastforward out of my childhood. Or maybe just ERASE the crappyness I've had to deal with for the past months from my mind entirely. I could always erase the memory and then if I didnt like not knowing I could just rewind to fix me pressing erase, and then fastforward to the time u came back from. Get what I'm saying? Me neither. Basically I think I'm meaning to tell you that I wish people didnt have to go through some of the things they do and that there could be a way to fix it. Like just by the snap of my fingers. But there's not. Unfortunately. And ur absolutely sucks. Cant I just have a MUTE button? I'm really trying to be strong, but when the difficulty keeps getting higher, life seems unbearable. I haven't given up hope or lost faith, I'm just a little sad I guess. I wasn't expecting any of this to happen. I was planning on waiting until I turned 18 and just escaping. Then everyone wouldn't be going through shit right now especially me. But nothing ever seems to go the way you plan...

P.S. One of the old people from the nursing home was talking with another old lady at school this morning. He meant to say "you hit it right on the button" except it came out as "you hit it right on the boo-ton". Did I mention HE started laughing? Haha old people are so funny. Another time I caught the same guy clapping and dancing as one the ladies sang This Little Light of Mine. They harmonized!
Okay thats it.


Take care. Love, Katie